Overcoming Myself 

I used to be weak. In many ways I still am but I have put myself through many hard times and became stronger from it. We all have the ability to change our lives. We do not always own our circumstance but we own what we do with it. How we react and how we choose to perceive.

I sometimes wish that I was “normal” – choosing life,  a job, career, family…

I guess it didn’t choose me. I was young and dealing with problems I couldn’t handle, when I tried. Now I’m just happy to be alive. Well, we live and we learn and we move on.

I am proud to have choosen to see life as a big adventure. It keeps me on track through ups and downs. Seeking out things I think is hard and working on them until they feel less hard. The art of overcoming. Overcoming myself.

Whoever you are, whatever your “problem” – if I can do it so can you.

Some fear the darkness – while others fear the light. I fear both.

Coming Home – Moving Forward

I’m trying to get settled living in Gothenburg. I got access to my flat as I returned from Lysekil after being homeless for six weeks. Been home now for three days and it feels odd. Maybe I will feel more grounded as I meet my friends a little. It still feels unreal being here down south.Up in Swedish Lapland right now it’s all ice, that time of the year when ice grows on everything making it beautiful as the ground cools down to enable the snow to start building up.

I noticed as I unpacked that I am one of those who have lots of pairs of shoes. And socks and gloves! All for different temperatures. A special setup for – 30C, and for more or less activity in temperature ranges above that.

I’ve gone directly from -35C to +35 for my trip in February for a few years now. I have gear for diving, running, hiking, skiing, swimming. Unpacking I realize most of my things have to do with either activities or travel. I get to see many temperature zones and I am uncertain which I’m in currently.

Yes, sure I’m very happy to sleep in my own bed after being away for more than a year, but I don’t need all this space. I don’t appreciate what I can buy at all in the same way as I appreciate what I can learn. I had photography and freediving on my to learn list for this year and it has given me much. Not that I’m a great freediver or photographer, but I have overcome the first step which usually is the hardest part.Every year I set goals and I will continue. I hope I never stop!

“Constantly moving forward means you are always leaving something behind”

I just got a new phone, it’s really like getting a new computer nowadays. I still haven’t installed and configured everything. But I like it
and my old was getting unreliable. I finally switched from my old “light in the tunnel” background to one of my “fairy tale editions”. Is this a new era? I used to need to be reminded there was a light in the tunnel and now I need to be inspired by the awesomeness of the north and the blue of the sea. What do you need? How do you remind yourself?!

Diveteam Lysekil – PADI Pro


Not only hard work

I finally took the step! The first step of being a professional in the dive business. I wanted to get the most out of a ten day intensive course. It wasn’t easy, but it was fun and I ended up being both a Divemaster and Assistant Instructor. I chose to  learn from Diveteam Lysekil – a highly accredited dive center here in Sweden. We were two students and a Course Director as main instructor. It’s a team spirit dive center with great owners and staff who also pitched in. Thank you all!

There are many requirements as we move on to taking care of other divers under water. It’s a responsibility and a completely new perspective on diving. “The way the world learns to dive”. Teaching and making diving safe, easy and fun!

I wasn’t used to the Swedish conditions, a bit of a struggle. Equipment, carrying loads of weight, adjusting buoyancy with two systems and low visibility under water. I learned to dive here but then I moved and have been doing mostly tropical diving which requires less from me as a diver. Since I never learned to dive in Sweden properly it was a wake up call. But I didn’t get cold feet! Or well, my drysuit was leaking through the neck seal…

Lysekil is a beautiful place, I could move here.

Our instructor had to push us to discomfort. Put some pressure on us and let us fail or learn – or fail and learn. I was at the center all day and then studied or prepared all night. Exhausting but still fun! As always a battle of the mind and the body – but anyone can do anything if they just put the hours in.

The first day of the course we (and others) attended a Seashepherd lecture that Diveteam had arranged. This day was also a yearly harbour cleanup event. Bringing up everything from an electric razor to a speaker, glass and cans… Pouring out little crabs and seastars and returning them to their home. Remember – as divers the ocean is our second home but it’s many creatures’ only home. We – humans – the planet – benefit greatly from the oceans – if you are hurting the oceans you are hurting yourself.

Sea Shepherd gave a talk about illegal whaling in the Antarctic and how plastic is polluting the oceans on a grand scale. Cleaning up beaches and harbours we see how much trash someone has thrown out.

Do your best to refuse reuse recycle reduce!

Trash travels and ends up on other places. Like in Arctic Norway where these pictures are from. It is a global issue and we can’t blame each other – the only way is cooperation.

“If you only going to use this plastic once – try to not use it!” (Wisdom from Sea Shepherd)


Gozo diving – below and beyond!

Since  I was sick in May when I last visited Gozo I decided to have a do over and get some more dives and actual relaxation in. You don’t return to work rested after having a serious infection and then catching a secondary infection on top of that. Coming back to a stressful at work was hard. The summer is always a tough time because employees go on vacation.  I decided to leave this company and go back to my old employer which seems like a good idea – and as I start on Monday I will have to adjust to a new work situation. This time I come home from Gozo I feel much more rested and ready to get to work.

Diving has been an adventure and I have  also been walking a lot I’ve seen some sights I hadn’t seen before on Gozo, but mostly I have just felt at home. It’s both good and bad. I don’t feel I’m on vacation,  but I do relax and understand much of how to get around and all such things that can be complicated in a new place.

I know many of the dive sites on Gozo, but I got to see some new ones this trip as well. The island has some very well known places to see and dive. Dwejra with the azur window and the blue hole is one of them. Shore diving takes some carrying around gear and climbing ladders. You go around the island depending on wind direction. The island is in the middle of the Mediterranean and with a few m/s the waves grow big on the effected side while the opposite side will be protected.

I hadn’t been to Xlendi Bay or Ramla Bay  before so I went there a day with northwestern wind which limits the dive sites. Walked from Marsalforn and one of the days I happened upon the Maltese independence days – apparently they have two. Being free from the Italians and from the British. Not all countries celebrate twice! Beer (local Cisk), music and dancing as always with celebrations.

Getting on the plane to Sweden in Frankfurt I realize that I don’t feel I’m one of them anymore. Maybe it’s just that Swedes in a airport can be very annoying? People struggling to get on the plane ethen though you still get the same seat. Talking about the lounges and trying to get recognition for flying businessclass for work. But maybe that is the highlight of their lives? Swedish are structured and efficient and goal oriented, it can be good but it sometimes creates a culture of bragging about all their accomplishments that I don’t like. Maybe it’s me who’s the strange one? I do love many of the Swedish ways but I could definitely go live in another country. I just have to have a financially viable alternative to doing what I do. To work and get to travel in between isn’t bad at all.

Also went to see a Unesco world heritage site on Gozo – Ggantija Temples. Older than the pyramids!


Went to work in Filipstad as soon as I got back from Gozo. A small community in southern Sweden, part of Värmland. The adventure continues. Turned out to be great to come back to work and help out wherever I’m needed. Visiting small communities. Working and experiencing things I don’t know…  Studied to my dive master course sitting outdoors in a nearby nature reserve.

On top of the world

Kiruna is a place like no other! Already autumn with yellow leaves and and and and in a few week the snow will be back again. One of my last days as a Kiruna resident I got up on the city mountain Loussavaara one of my last days as a Kiruna resident.  The beauty of Swedish Lapland will be missed. Living here for a year has led me to want to visit other arctic landscapes as well. Now my bucket list has doubled!

Already people have gotten great pictures of the northern lights, even though it isn’t very dark yet. But we gain 10min darkness per night now. Maybe later during the night but not when I was out. Still beautiful that it’s so colorful.

Discipline equals freedom 

For my last month in Kiruna I’ve gone back and forth to Gothenburg a few times. I‘ve visited the west coast a week when some things needed taking care of. Also showed the city to someone who isn’t familiar with Gothenburg. Went to Trädgårdsföreningen’s palm-tree house and it just happened we came on a day when people were there playing the violin. The sound danced through the greenhouse and was a lovely mix with the white light and the blue sky. 

Also visited the “Universum” science park. It’s a big building next to Liseberg (another famous site). Universum is proud to present a multi storey park with different climate zones on different floors. The rainforest is three floors high showing the 3D characteristics of such an environment with different organisms suited to live on different layers. The plants and animals are fascinating both for small and big children (including chronological adults).

Down south I have seen both the sunset and the moon again. This is strange since I’ve had months of light. Having the sun go down definitely makes it easier to fall asleep but it’s not as special as the days constantly changing from one extreme to the other. 

When I got back home to Kiruna I ran the race “Jägarmilen” (rangers 10k). I found it a week earlier only but thought it would be a good way to say goodbye to beautiful Kiruna. A few thousand people were running and I was surprised it was that big. Was fun to finally do a real race! I have looked at many races before but never had the time or probably more important –  the guts to through with it. 

I have been stationed in Kiruna now for 10 months but will change company and at the end of August I moved from Kiruna. I packed and made the long drive back home. With the small complication that I’m not moving into my apartment until November.

With the new job, which also is my old job, I get to be in Gothenburg every other weekend and see my friends. Sure will be good to have a little surface support again. I think I’ve been below the polar circle 8 days this year (not counting holidays in other countries. Last year I worked over a bigger area up north and was home 16 days in total. It’s starting to be a while I’ve been away from home. Don’t know much what has happened in Gothenburg the last three years, will be fun to find out! I miss you!

Travelling both for work and for fun I have met wonderful people and been to places I’d never go to unless I worked like this.  I will try for a while now to do a restart in Gothenburg and see what happens. It’s time to start a new adventure. I’m not exactly ready but I look forward to learning new things again. 

“Activity equals life – stagnation equals death”

I’m a much stronger person after travelling a few years. I was lost and confused when I started and it has had ups and downs but it has strengthened me. I used to be afraid to get lost, to feel alone, not be accepted as I am. But what I realize is that when I’ve been going it alone I have faced my fears. I still struggle some times but not having place to live for two months doesn’t bother me, missing the ferry in a foreign country doesn’t make me mad and confused – I just modify the plan. I have learned a lot.

I am at most times good at handling a wide range of tasks simultaneously. My motto “structure and discipline” has taken me forward through life. I think I have taken this on to relieve the anxiety I feel about achieving a goal or task. I know that if you are prepared you just have to execute. Picking tasks apart into subtasks and coming prepared does a lot to take the stress and off.

I’m a high achiever, high stress person. This combined with being conscientious isn’t always perfect. In many ways I like being under pressure. At the same time I can make myself very unhappy, often unnecessarily. Balance needs to be the goal as with many things in life. And you can’t force balance, you can’t buy it or get it from someone else. You can work towards it but being such an abstract concept I don’t know if it can be achieved.

 It would be a paradox to have perfect balance.

As always I’m thinking a lot, questioning myself and my decisions. I heard this on a podcast I listen to:

If you don’t have doubt you’re not challenging yourself enough

Spending as much time in airplanes or public transportation I’ve been thinking about how I am perceived. I’m seasoned and travel in comfortable clothes and with a lot of luggage most times. Today I laughed out loud sitting in my own little world watching a Ted talk. A wingsuit pilot got the question: did you ever get a request you wasn’t going to do, that you said no to? And he replied:

– Of course. Some people have crazy ideas



I’m reading through the manual to the PADI Dive Master course since I’m doing the course in October. Going to be with Diveteam Lysekil for 10 days. Will be great! I’m doing a lot of courses this year. Did SSI freediving 1, techrec 40 and have planned for techrec 45 and DM as well. 

 I find out things about myself looking through the material. I realize that I am actually more comfortable with diving deep than with navigation. It is however much greater risk diving deep as you risk your life but with navigation you mostly risk failure and embarrassment. Guess what scares me most? Conclusion – I need to work on my weaknesses and get more comfortable with failure.

I’m starting to find my motivation again. The road we take can be less than straight.  I want  to be better, stronger, learn new skills. I want constant progress and I’m willing to put in the work and make it happen! The last few years I’ve used diving as my excuse to travel the world. I have explored many countries and done many dream dives. Still the the list is only adding. I love it! I will try to get on course again after a few screw ups recently. Going back to prioritizing doing all these things I cannot not do. I’ll have to balance it somehow – life, tough stuff… To be continued. 

A memory from Gilli Trawangan

Small steps take us forward, if we start…